For Fuck’s Sake, Go Vote.

November 8, 2011 § Leave a comment

It’s an election year in which this country could decide to: make abortion & many common forms of birth control criminal; cripple unions’ bargaining abilities; make it harder for you to vote; make it easier for government authorities to investigate your residential status; and continue to try to tell you who you can & cannot marry.

Someone please tell me how the GOP isn’t Big Government.

I was feeling visual rhetoric-y, so I tried to draw a cartoon of an octopus with its gigantic tentacles over the mouths of police officers, firemen & teachers; blocking the doors to the polling place; holding hands with the Pope; rifling through a brown guy’s wallet for ID; ripping a baby out of some woman. Okay, so I didn’t try to draw any of this stuff. You’re welcome. But someone really should change that elephant to an octopus, amirite?!

Seriously, though, I think you’ll all agree with me when I say that in today’s economy, unions of aborted gay immigrant fetuses are getting to be a real problem. If we let them vote today, they’ll take our jobs. Let’s make sure we don’t let them.

Seriously seriously, as someone who tends to tune moodily in & out of politics, this country’s looking like a particularly scary scene right now, & it isn’t because of how much or little I can anticipate paying in taxes thanks to my too-big government, or because I’ve run out of public places to conceal my gun. It’s because of the ways in which the government could potentially get bigger & scarier & more punitive for its citizens while banks & big corporations & even weird shitshow faux-political campaign machines like that of Herman Cain continue to be allowed to grow unmediated. Or, really, just that first part, even. Because really, guys? I can’t register to vote on the same day I plan to vote so now I have to—that’s right—register to vote early so I can vote on getting this shit repealed? Really?! I guess I’ll go dump a bunch of mortgage-backed securities on some poor sucker or set up a front organization named something like Operation: Opportunity! or ReconstructUS or Lick My Boot Straps, Inc. for my backwards agenda while I still can so the government will keep leaving me the hell alone.

Up next: my thoughts on the job market, & a solution that involves assembly lines of people making me egg sandwiches. It can be done.

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