May 12, 2011 § Leave a comment

Instead of clearing one of the many bureaucratic hurdles between myself & graduation, last night Adam & I live tweeted Star Wars: A New Hope. In the event that I don’t graduate because I’m still hoarding all of my office keys & library books, I look forward to canvassing the English Department for a professor willing to oversee my independent study of George Lucas & the long poem. Meanwhile, I’m just posting these here so I don’t have to look at that picture of a Linksys router anymore.

* Live-tweeting Star Wars with @AdamWPeterson instead of working on my fan fiction piece, “What If Luke Had Picked Up Those Power Converters.”

* I think I recognize Aunt Beru & Uncle Owen’s plastic dish set from the Target Home Collection.

* This movie has more moons than a JV football team bus.

* Adam guest tweets: O really, Luke, “sand people are the worst?” Might be time to turn off the Fox News.

* This is your father’s light saber. It has 50% fewer calories than a regular saber. You’re welcome.

* Currently planning to create a variety of ice cream flavors inspired by the Star Wars universe. First up: Banta Tracks.

* 20 minutes in, a creature & a droid have already lost their arms. Does it count as foreshadowing if it’s preparing us for another movie?

* Sure, Taxi Driver’s great, but Luke Skywalker is Jodie Foster’s most underrated performance.

* Seeing how all that’s down the garbage chute is old hunks of rubber & tubing, it’s pretty clear Vader recycles.

* If there’s one thing we learn from Star Wars, it’s that nothing says mentorship like looking your protege in the face & dying.

* Darth Vader & Princess Leia may be on different sides of an intergalactic war, but their dresses are equally impractical.

* The rebels’ ships are so small they’re evading our turbo lasers. But we thought if we made our lasers fast, they didn’t have to be accurate!

* Thanks to Gold Five, a whole generation of dudes thinks “Stay on target, stay on target…” at least once during sex.

* If Randy Quaid had been flying that X-wing, it’d have saved us two sequels.

* Luke & Leia making eyes at each other but still not hooking up at the end of the movie makes a pretty good argument for waiting.

* Adam guest tweets: And Star Wars is over. I look forward to going back and revising these tweets with new special effects in 2027. [screen wipe]


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