More Like “Scratch My Crack.”

February 10, 2010 § Leave a comment

A Review

Evidently, since William Shatner started legitimately amusing people with his commercials, the world’s all but forgotten a musical career that begat the likes of “Common People.”  (Ah, I remember my College Radio Days, when the pop-punk DJs after me would always roll in late & I’d leave Shatner on the airwaves until they arrived.)  The result of Shatner’s quiet decline?  The British branch of the Department of Bullocks & Minor Infractions has been struggling to fill the void left in Shatner’s ever-widening wake.  This Spring, Britain’s void-filler comes in the form of a man who, thanks to weekends spent scaling Solsbury Hill & a healthy regimen of lifting boom boxes up over his head & setting them down again, will live & make music for-fucking-ever.

In short, what in the British-expletive-deleted hell is this regular-expletive-deleted?

In case you weren’t one of the millions bowled over by Bon Iver’s For Emma, Forever Ago & could give a shit about the above cover of some guy’s mid-Western snowy heartbreak, Mr. Gabriel’s covers album “Scratch My Back” due out in the Spring still has something for you.  Like the Arcade Fire as much as every Super Bowl commercial?  Try “My Body Is A Cage.”  Dig Regina Spektor?  By all means, “Apres Moi.”  There’s even some Neil Young & Randy Newman for Old People Who Like Old People.  The only cover he leaves out is the one you’ll want to put over your ears.

You can listen to the whole thing for free on GrooveShark.  Which you probably should do, if for no other reason than a world in which a thing like GrooveShark exists is a world in which you don’t want to pluck out your own ribs one by one & fashion them into a menagerie of tiny animals.


A Rebuttal

But never fear!  The Americans from the Department of Aw, Shit, That Shit Ain’t Real are here.


A Real Letter from A Real Fan

Dear Mr. Gabriel,

I respect what you’re doing.  Sometimes music is just too fast.  I’m tired of not being able to hear the words.  I’m tired of staying awake while driving.

One small request: would you recast this R. Kelly masterpiece, enclosed below, for piano & strings?

I’m under your open window.  I’m hoisting that boombox.  I’m playing this loud as all hell.

Looking forward to scratching yours,


CC: William Shatner, British Parliament.


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